losing my perspective

I have been having kind of a bad time lately. And this weekend Anthony has been pretty sick - coughing long and hard and feeling pretty miserable. I've never experienced him being so sick! He is a good patient, though, taking his medications and steaming over a bowl of Vicks without complaint. He's been sick, really since last Monday!

I came down with something on Thursday night,too -- started on a Z-pack on Friday morning, took a 4 hour nap in the afternoon and by Saturday was feeling nearly human, but tired.

What confounds me is how fragile I have been! I broke down and cried in church yesterday! And for what? I was reprimanded for stitching during the "sermon". I have been doing that for nearly 3 months! I really listen, and stay awake, but apparently some ex-military man found it offensive. Grrr. For a proponent of affirmations and positive thinking, this is truly a test. I think it's a combination of exhaustion, the weather heating up (which always makes me dread the suffocating summer to come), that stupid hate mail and a feeling of being adrift. What I want is about a month off! Maybe I'll take off May! It's almost too hot to garden, and there is a LOT I wanted to do! I worry about my mother's health and financial situation. None of this worry, etc, is really my style anymore. Since 2002, shortly after I had the stroke, I have been dedicated to "putting positive energy" into the world. It's really become second nature. But I'm slipping....

So I guess this is my venting space. And I need to take better charge of my thoughts. I also need to get more active- yoga, walking, Tibetan rites, whatever. MUST get the body moving! Maybe tomorrow. I still feel fatigued from the illness.