Going to Asheville to Find a 2nd Home

Pray for me! Even if you are not a great believer in prayer! I need all the spiritual, emotional, universal support I can get! Tomorrow morning I journey to Charleston to pick up my Little Mother, and then together, we go to the Asheville area to look for a place for me to escape to when the FL weather threatens to undo me! This is really important to my life.

The longer I live in FL the more I dread June to November, or Tropical Storm/Hurricane Season. It's like NOTHING I ever knew in the Northeast! I fear the storms, and the devastation that accompanies them! My head knows how irrational this is, but I am consumed with a visceral dread of the storms.

Not only do I need mountains for my soul, but I need respite from this dread!

And how I miss the hiking, being in a natural world that feels like home to me. Forget the notion that all the natural world is home! I need my woods! I'm so torn by this issue.

Whatever power there is that can divine and untangle our souls, I am in need of for this. For years, I have espoused the Lakota saying, "Mitakuyasin" - translated as "we are all related: or "all my relations". But the FL natural world seems forbidding and alien to me. I need my "Piney Wood Hills".

I just want a small place near to the mountains that will allow me to find hiking trails and natural woodland spots where I feel at home. No matter whether that even seems rational! It's my fondest wish and prayer!

Big Changes Are in the Wind

We may be buying a small place in North Carolina soon!!!!!!!!!

There are angels at work, and I may not have to endure the oppressive heat of a Florida summer for all of June, July, August, September and October. I may even have a small place to escape to with my kitties. I know it gets hot in NC, too, but usually the evenings are sweet, as are the early mornings. I am so excited. Next week will travel up there and check out some properties.

Hooray!

Finished gathering and sorting for the "tax man". Now it's up to him to get it in the forms and on its way. We are getting a $3100 tax credit for purchasing the Prius!

Taxes and Other Financial Headaches

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We have a wonderful tax return coming this year, thanks to my beloved hybrid car. I can't really figure out why I have been procrastinating in getting them done! It's not even as if I prepare them - we hand the necessary documents to the accountant! At any rate, I think it's probably a symptom of the general lack of focus of my life just now. Perhaps now I have posted about it, I can get it done! Wish me luck!

$ $ $ $

Ugh!

I've been sick the last few days, actually since the Captain left on his trip to Arkansas. So basically I have done only what had to be done, like feed the cats and clean the litter boxes (UGH), sleep, read, stitch, only going out twice to replenish supplies. It's been kind of restful, but also disappointing. I missed out on a big teaching/earning day yesterday, though it's doubtful if I had either the stamina or the voice to give all those lessons.

With the scary news about the high school kids who died at school in the Enterprise, Alabama tornado, and our area being under a tornado watch for most of yesterday afternoon and evening, the day took on something of a surreal quality. Add to that, that I slept most of the night propped up on the couch, because lying down I was unable to breathe, and you have a recipe for disorientation. Having a fever didn't help either.

I think I am coming out of it now. I can actually taste things, and I can breathe without nose spray.

This is all meaningless drivel. But I feel somehow relieved to set it down on "paper". Maybe it means I am emerging. Strange how just a couple of days can seem like perishingly long time!

Into the Arms of Strangers:: Stories of the Kindertransport

I rented this from Netflix this week, and I have not been so moved in a long time. To even begin to imagine the pain of watching your children leave and not know if or when you will see them again, is a horror I can barely stand to imagine. To dream and indeed to have been charged to save your parents from the Nazi horror at the tender age of 8 or 10, and then to have communication cease because of a declaration of war, is a charge to a young child that is an unimaginable horror. This is a powerful movie, filled with the voices of the children who were part of the Kindertransport, and others involved. Please find it, take it home and view it. We are terribly disconnected from the horrors of war. WWII was different in some ways, but with all the nightly film clips from the news, we still need to remember that NOW is only real when we understand that there is a BEFORE and AFTER. I don't know when I have been so moved by a film.

My TINIEST Needlework Projects - My Dream Dollhouse

Here is a teaser to pique your interest in my magnificent dollhouse, made by my dad, whose a tiny oil portrait hangs over the mantle in the dining room.

Below is a link to the pictures of my dollhouse. The tiny projects are a sampler and the very tiny dining room chair seats, cross-stitched to match the green wallpaper with roses on it. I used the smallest possible Aida.

My dad made the house for me (from plans, not a kit) over three years, beginning in 1983. He made most of the furnishings, too. He would buy a kit and then use it as a template. That way I have an oak bedroom, too. The house has two sides: the front with entry and 3 storey stairs, formal living and dining rooms, bedroom and family room; the back has a large kitchen, music room, library, oak bedroom, bath and project room. The house was a labor of love.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Welcome.jsp?&fromlogo=true
On the right of the screen you can become a member. I have lots of photos on this site. It's free and you can easily share pix with others. Please leave a comment and tell me if it works. Once you have signed up, you can use this link. Pictures of my dollhouse I know it seems like a lot of effort, but if you like miniatures, it is truly worth it!

Music, Music, Music!

JL, JK and NG went to the auditions/adjudications last Saturday and received fabulous reports from the judge, Dr. Krystof Biernacki, head of the Opera and Voice departments at UNF in Jax. I was thrilled and very proud, as he is demanding, and his comments reinforced just what I have been saying to these students all along. They were thrilled too! And, my, oh, my, when I introduced myself, he knew my name! He had heard of the opera company (FCO) and our struggles to survive, as well as our triumphs. This is very gratifying! Most often, we get "There's an opera company in St. Augustine?" Ah, me!

Then, the Captain and I drove to Tampa for Anton Coppola's Sacco and Vanzetti. We stayed in a wonderful small suite, complete with bedroom, sitting room/kitchen, with free wi-fi connection! I almost wished we were staying longer! Probably would have, too, if Alex-Paras had been open on Sunday. I have always had a yen to visit that place!

The opera was fascinating. Coppola is 90 years old. He conducted the piece, which he wrote in his early 80's, for the full 3 and 1/2 hours! I don't know if he is a first generation Italian in America, but he really underscored the immigrant condition, complete with the "what goes around comes around" attitude of the Irish towards the newly-arrived Italians. What was truly inspiring was the depth of the casting. Even the smaller roles were sung well. It was obvious in what high esteem the Tampa crowd holds the Maestro!

A Visitor at the Front Door

I'm playing Scrabble Cubes on line when I see Judy's PT Cruiser pull up. When she knocks at the door I hurry to open it and in she comes. As I proceed to close the door, I see, as you can see, too, a beautiful serpent.

Hmmm. I must say up front that I really LIKE snakes. I think they are handsome and fascinating, so my first thought is to run for the camera. I return, camera in hand, and open the door. Judy keeps Roxy from first hand investigation while I "snap" digital pictures. I keep trying to get a side view of his head, to look for the telltale horizontal yellow stripe from his eye to the back of his head. He obliges me by opening his cotton mouth. Oh, yes, this is a young water moccasin, otherwise known as a cottonmouth.

This is the third venomous snake we have had within 15 feet of an entrance to our house, in less than 9 months time. One, a good-sized pygmy rattler, struck within inches of my hand as I was weeding in our mulched garden last fall! The other was a yearling moccasin, right off the "bridge" that connects the screened porch to the studio.

I'd been contemplating getting into the garden to restyle it. This little visitor will give me pause.

I found my snake tongs in the garage, picked up the unwelcome serpent, and moved him down to the end of the driveway. Okay, it's not the best choice, but I don't have a good container to move him in, and I didn't feel like parading around the neighborhood in with a venomous serpent! The Captain's comment was "Put the house back on the market!" He is not as fond of the scaly creatures as I am!


Here is a close up shot. C'est belle, n'est-ce pas?

Two Kinds of Stakes

The Captain's friend BK offered to stake me to half of $500 if I would put up the other half. He would register on my behalf and I would play. Obviously he has NO idea what $250 means to us. I know he regularly has 10 times that in a "pot". Winning and losing large sums is another day's work for him. At least he understands very well the ephemeral nature of money!

On the other hand, today I am going to Jax to invest in a different kind of stake. I'm going to work at the Florida Federation of Music Clubs Festival, where young people (under 19) are adjudicated, critiqued and encouraged to continue their musical education. I expect it will be a grueling day - 11:30 to 8 or so, with an hour's travel time either way. Then tomorrow morning, three of MY students are being adjudicated, as well, so I must be there at 8:30 with our accompanist. They are all SO well prepared. I find it thrilling to work with them - beautiful young voices, exquisite music, and their palpable excitement. Beautiful music is at the heart of civilized life. This is MY stake in their future, and in a much broader sense, the future of civilization.

My Very Short Career as an On-Line Gambler

Ha ha ha! The joke's on me. I decided I would take a chance on a $10 fee and see how it went. After completing the whole process to update my account, etc., the website would not allow me to play for money!!! What a good laugh that gave me!

SCRABBLE for dollars!

Shhh! I have a secret. I love to play Scrabble! Last night I heard a TV commercial for an online Scrabble game where you can earn money for winning!

With a sharp bolt of lighting and a crack of thunder, a whole new world opened up! Fear and trembling! I skipped my stitching time in the evening and played. Did I put up any money? Heaven forfend! I merely played to see what my average was of winning games. I figure if I can win 60% of 5000 games, I can make a little money. We shall see. Of course they match players, probaby by winning percentage or by average or high score, and I am sure it is geared to let you win just enough to keep you hooked. They even offer free games to entice you. Pray for me! I know my obsessive nature. This will take LOTS of discipline. I need all the help I can get!!!

Hilarious NEW Search Engine

If you haven't checked out Mrs. Dewey yet, you have to see this! It's funny and interactive. Probably doesn't work as well as Google, but certainly is more amusing!

Saturday Morning Thoughts

Awake at 5 a.m. with worries about debt, once again. I waited till 6 to turn on the light to read the little book I bought this week about credit card debt. Finally got up and made a cup of tea at 6:40. The book, Credit Card Debt by Alexander Daskaloff, sets out a system of strategies that begin with organizing all credit card data, then systematically reducing the interest load. Oddly enough, I had already begun this process on my own! He is way ahead of my thought processes, though, and I think this is all very well-worthwhile.

Coincidentally, last night I watched an Oprah I had recorded featuring Peter Walsh about eliminating clutter, and how doing so can change your life! Another good path, now that the depression is lifting. Even an hour a day would make a good start on that project. Fortunately, we did quite a bit of that when we put the house on the market in October. Walsh spoke of "the room you don't want anyone to see" - "quick, honey, close the ___ room door so the guests don't see it!" LOL - doesn't everyone have one of those?

The neurologist wants me to repeat the nerve conduction studies to see how the carpal tunnel constriction is progressing (or not!). What an unpleasant test! Still, he says that if one is going to need hand surgery to release the nerve, it should be done before muscle fibers begin to break down. This is a man of few words - my semi-annual consists mainly of hi, how are you, how's the right hand, see you in 6 months. But he did promote this, and it does make sense, I think.

It is a beautiful Florida dawn here now at 7:11 a.m. - pale blue sky with deep purple and pink tinged with orange clouds. In the still morning air I hear the drumming rhythm of a train down the road a mile or so. I do love winter here.

The Captain and I had a conversation last night (that my husband of 9 years). I'd been thinking of how much I appreciate the man he has become. We have grown so much closer in the past 2-3 years. He really knows me know - and I think I know him, too. Since I reached my 20's, I have longed to be "known". I wish my brothers would care enough to try. I know it is too soon to hope for my son wanting to know me. Why do I feel this is self-indulgent, too? Old tapes tell me that it is not important to most people. In my family, it is apparently a woman's job to care enough to learn about someone. That is why I am so fervently grateful for the Captain. Low-maintenance he ain't, but his other qualities make that okay!

Three of my students are coming this morning for a rehearsal with the accompanist, prior to their adjudication next Saturday morning. Each of the girls is singing two art songs and two musical theater songs. It's so much fun to see their growth.

The Test Results

Roxy does NOT have heart worm!!! I am so relieved. Heart worm is a death sentence for a cat. Perhaps they can live for a time, with breathing compromised, but the treatment can be deadly, too.

That means she DOES have asthma. It may be caused by allergies, or the fact that she weighs 23 # 8 oz. Doesn't really matter. I have not tried the treatment yet: When she has an attack, I am supposed to aim my albuterol inhaler into a lunch bag-sized paper bag and spray 4 puffs, they immediately place the bag over her head and hold it!!!! Can you just picture this? The cat is madly backing up and shaking her head. Of course she also gasps, which means she gets some treatment for her breathing! Then the next time I need to open a paper bag, she is g-o-n-e in a flash. It would be very funny if asthma weren't a serious condition!

Since she had the depomedrol (cortisone) shot on Tuesday, she is much better. I haven't heard her cough once, and she has more energy. Those of you who have ever taken cortisone know how quickly it can reduce symptoms.

Okay, now I am off to see the neurologist for a semi-annual recheck. On March 18th it will be 5 years since the stroke that hospitalized me for 5 days. I think I will reward myself with a visit to A Stitch in Time.

Little Cat Stocking

This is the little Cat Stocking I stitched in December. I love the kitty's furry back!

My most beautiful work to date

Here is my musical needlepoint canvas, finished and framed! What a joy it was to stitch!

It's all relative

It is February. The 5th, to be precise. 3 weeks ago I had some routine tests done at the lab. Last week my doctor called me in, just as she had in October when I had the upper endoscopy performed, because my ferritin level was low. It is again, so she sent me to the gastroenterologist, who has recommended a colonoscopy. I had one done that awful September of 2004 when Charley, Frances and one other hurricane/tropical storm came through. What a nuisance. Mostly, I am afraid we will owe again for the anesthesiologist, whom I just paid off for the EGD. Argh.... Can't seem to get ahead.

I'm on a z-pack, too, for a sinus infection that struck me on Friday - fierce headache that would NOT go away, and lethargy. I have canceled, in the past 5 days, $135 worth of lessons. I HATE to do that, but I just have not felt well enough! I know I cannot push for too long or too hard before I pay for it physically. I did it for 5 years during the divorce, and look where it got me - scleroderma and autoimmune liver disease.

I'm struggling to keep my head above water. I'm struggling to maintain a positive attitude - in fact, I think I have failed with that! Still, I spoke to B.A. today and her sister is having a prophylactic double mastectomy done in early March. B.A., her mother, and one of her sisters, have all had breast cancer. I need to keep this all in perspective. Whew!

So, I will end this with a litany of gratitude. I am grateful for:
1. A wonderful, supportive, loving husband, whom I love!
2. Relatively good health
3. A home I love, that is comfortable and warm - a haven and a sanctuary.
4. Three beautiful, loving cats.
5. Needlepoint!!
6. Singing!
7. An occupation that I truly enjoy most of the time, that makes me feel useful and uniquely special.
8. Good friends.
9. My computer!
10. Living in a country with more freedoms, resources and wealth than most of the world can imagine.

That should do it! I will ponder these blessings and keep them in my heart. I will substitute a positive affirmation whenever I'm tempted to feel sorry for myself. I hate self-pity! Ugh!

Nearly everything in life to which we give "value" is relative, and I need to remember this!
Woohoo!

Tying up some loose ends

How on earth did it get to be the 30th of January already?????

Where DOES the time go?

Well, regarding the opera I was rushing off to....(http://www.metoperafamily.org/metopera/broadcast/hd_events.aspx) was a marvelous experience! I Puritani by Bellini is not a well-know opera, and does not have any arias or ensembles among "opera's greatest hits", but the 6 of us who attended are still raving, and plan to attend Eugene Onegin, The Barber of Seville and Il Trittico planned for the end of each of the next three months.

Here are the 2 negatives I feel deserve attention:

1. Picture quality on the high definition big screen was quite variable.
2. The tech people who ran the "projector" had the volume so high the pitches were distorted, and it required two requests to reduce the volume before it was closer to the sound you would expect to hear at the Met.

However, the positives definitely outweighed the negatives!!!

1. Wonderful odd camera angles - backstage right looking at the audience, for instance, or backstage during intermission as the set was being changed! These are amazing glimpses of the production that one cannot get sitting in the audience!
2. Incredible close-up shots that show detail of costume and facial expressions.
3. The wonderful interview that Renee Fleming did with 36 year old Russion soprano Anna Netrebko (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Netrebko) featured questions that only another singer would know to ask! It provided a wonderfully intimate view of the performance.
4. As an experienced singer/performer I loved the event, but so did audience members who were there for the music or the drama and not for the glimpse it offered into working at the Met.

I highly recommend that you go. Please check the link above for locations, times, and more information.
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I've been depressed for the past three weeks. First Coast Opera (www.firstcoastopera.com) had to cancel the March production of La Boheme, because of debt incurred from our 2006 productions. This is highly discouraging, particularly in view of the fact that the venue was not lost as we supposed from the choral director's attitude over the paperwork for the last production (Babes in Toyland). On the other hand, to have gone ahead would have been so labor intensive, that I don't know if I could have survived it. I have terribly mixed feelings. On the one hand I mourn the loss of what I know would have been a marvelous production, as well as the opportunity to sing Musetta. But I have a overwhelming sense of relief not to have to either shoulder the burden of all those details or find the strength to refuse to do them! Whew....

Adding to my sadness and confusion about the opera company, is my grief and responsibility about the credit card debt we are in. Anthony doesn't often spend money, and in the past year and a half, I have been uncharacteristically "spendthrift-y" (sic). I guess it was my reward for being on the wagon, but whatever the cause, it has dug us a pretty big hole, that will require much discipline and some privation compared with our recent standard of living. Both bearing the responsibility of the debt and living with the reduced circumstances beats me down some.
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I've been teaching a LOT up at the high school. After exploring medical transcription as a source of income ($10-15/per hour), I decided that teaching at $25 a lesson, even with the annoyance and time lost from traveling 20 minutes each way, was the better direction in which to head. I know that that source will dry up from May to September, but I will deal with that when I must.
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On a good note, I'm still doing needlepoint each evening for 2-5 hours, and still just LOVING it. I have several projects going at once and trade off when I need a change. One of my newest projects (unfinished), is of a singing Santa. I love all the neat stitches it requires. I particularly love that plaid scarf. How amazingly clever!

The worrisome detail that I refuse to seriously consider, is that I have had to begin wearing my carpal tunnel brace at night. Yes, I know that needlepoint will aggravate it, as will typing and playing the piano, and carrying heavy loads of books, laptop, etc., all of which I do on a daily basis. I am resorting to prayer along with the brace. :-(

Enough odds and ends for now. I need to teach!

Off to the Opera!

Six of us are going to Jacksonville to see the Met broadcast of I Puritani by Bellini. Woohoo! Should be fun. Opera on the big screen, and not a film version!